First of all, I want to say that it occurred to me today that we have been in Bakersfield for three years now. It was three years ago today that we got the key to our house and unloaded our moving truck. WOW!!!
But on to my favorites . . . today I asked the kids in Sunday School what one of their favorite things was about their mothers. Mostly I got very vague answers, like, "She's awesome!" When I asked for specifics, they had a hard time. My kids said things like, "She cooks nice." or "She's fun." I hope they were just stumbling because it was so last minute and nothing else was on the tip of their tongue.
I decided that I wanted to write down some of my favorites about each of them, so here goes . . .
James: He is a good friend, and relationships are important to him. He is loyal. He is excellent at critiquing things, his dad's sermons being one of the things. A couple weeks ago, I asked, "How was church this morning?" I was in Children's Ministry. He said, "Dad did a great job. His sermon was good, very practical. His introduction grabbed my attention and his examples were easy to relate to." Occasionally, he says something like, "The introduction could have been a little better" or "Your conclusion wasn't the best." It's hilarious, but Brent loves it because it is honest. When he wants to be, he is very helpful. He can be the best big brother, again when he wants to. He is friendly and willing to take risks.
Jason: He is also a great friend!!! And he is a friend to those who have no friends!!! He's not afraid of what that might do to his reputation, and he will put up with a lot of annoyance from those who are not easy to befriend. There is one boy at school that comes to mind quickly. He is charming and most people love him, peers and adults. He is diligent, and he perseveres. He is not afraid to say no when he doesn't want to do something. He doesn't like to have his schedule over full.
David: He is so excited and happy about EVERYTHING!!!! Tonight we were watching The Blind Side, and he was cheering for the football games and clapping when the plays ended, as if we were watching something live. He is an encourager. His gymnastics coach has told me time and time again that when other kids are having trouble with something in class, it is David who encourages and pushes them to do their best. He's strong and has incredible endurance. He is a terrific older brother and loves his sister so much. He recently wrote a book and read it out loud at his writer's tea at school. He dedicated his book to his sister and gave her a big hug after he walked down from the stage. It was so cool!!!!
Sarah: She has a super laugh (only not when it is a fake laugh). She takes charge, which can be a problem, but it is fun to watch! She is hilarious and says the funniest things all the time. She is very loving to all of us and to her friends. I think she is also a very loyal friend. We will see if this continues, but so far it seems this way. Her strong opinions make me crazy sometimes, but I think it is great that she has them, too. With three brothers, she is somewhat of a tomboy, but she also likes to be girly. She loves to play dress up and wants to have tea parties all the time!!!
I'm sure there are 100 other things, but those are the things off the top of my head. I'm very blessed!!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
On My Heart
I need to post about so many things . . . Easter . . . a book . . . my kids . . . life in general. So here is some rambling about what God has been teaching me. I'm still working through all my thoughts, but here goes.
Just before Easter, our small group completed a study on becoming a good samaritan. I was dealing with the abortion issues from my previous post. We have some friends who are serving and loving some homeless people and I felt a tug to get involved on some level. I completed the book The Same Kind of Different As Me and now the sequel, What Difference Do It Make, and both touched me deeply. With all of this plus my job, I figure God must be trying to work on my heart in regards to being a servant to those in need, but what does that mean? To tell you the truth, because of my job (which might seem kind of backward), in many ways I lack compassion and mercy for the down and out. It is very conflicting. I said something in small group one night that caused someone to question my contradiction, which in turn caused me to think about it a lot. What does God want from me? What do I need to do to be obedient to Him?
I think it is hard to come to a good balance with these issues. There is such a fine line in trying to balance responsibility and compassion, similar to the balance of grace and truth. In my job, I work with former foster youth, young adults who turned 18 in the foster care system. Some might think that their 18th birthday means freedom, but in the words of one of my co-workers it's more like they "were thrown to the wolves." They do not know what to do next. THey don't have the support of their family as they learn independence, no one to call when they make mistakes and need direction. I have a giant heart for these young adults. I know their back story and can totally understand why they are responding and making the choices they are making. However, I also know the only way they can redirect their lives is to learn to make good choices. The best choice they can make is to follow Jesus, but some of them aren't ready to do that. I believe they can learn to make good choices in their day to day activities without following Jesus, so practically that is what I am trying to teach them. Sometime I just want to slap some sense into them. I am working through this balance of loving and showing mercy, yet trying to talk honestly to them about the irresponsible choices they are making.
We spent Easter lunch with our friends, Seth and Callie, at this small grassy area in Bakersfield where we fed lunch to about 10 homeless people. We took tri-tip, beans, potato salad, cookies and drinks. Most of them came to us to get food, then left. A couple weren't very social, so we took some plates to them. Three of the men ate with us. One of them, specifically sat down with Seth, Callie, Brent, James and I and shared his story. What sadness and loss he has experienced. I'm sure in the midst of all his losses, he made some poor choices which has made it difficult for him to find work now, but I cannot imagine walking the path he has walked. He has no one. His parents and brother have passed away, and his sister lives clear across the country and they have not maintained contact. He truly has no one. It doesn't change the fact that he made some poor choices, but he is suffering the consequences. It's our job, now, to show compassion and to help make a difference in his life. We still don't know exactly what our specific role is, but we are seeking God in all of that, and He has laid a lot on our hearts.
I am praying that I will seek God in trying to find this balance. I think my biggest issue is lack of waiting for direction. I speak when I should be quiet and I act when I should be still and listen. I need to know from God what to say and when to say it, what to do and when to do it. I think if I can slow down a bit and wait on God, my responses will probably show this balance that I think we have to have. I just know that we are called to serve, and when I serve others, I want to serve them well, with the heart of Jesus.
Just before Easter, our small group completed a study on becoming a good samaritan. I was dealing with the abortion issues from my previous post. We have some friends who are serving and loving some homeless people and I felt a tug to get involved on some level. I completed the book The Same Kind of Different As Me and now the sequel, What Difference Do It Make, and both touched me deeply. With all of this plus my job, I figure God must be trying to work on my heart in regards to being a servant to those in need, but what does that mean? To tell you the truth, because of my job (which might seem kind of backward), in many ways I lack compassion and mercy for the down and out. It is very conflicting. I said something in small group one night that caused someone to question my contradiction, which in turn caused me to think about it a lot. What does God want from me? What do I need to do to be obedient to Him?
I think it is hard to come to a good balance with these issues. There is such a fine line in trying to balance responsibility and compassion, similar to the balance of grace and truth. In my job, I work with former foster youth, young adults who turned 18 in the foster care system. Some might think that their 18th birthday means freedom, but in the words of one of my co-workers it's more like they "were thrown to the wolves." They do not know what to do next. THey don't have the support of their family as they learn independence, no one to call when they make mistakes and need direction. I have a giant heart for these young adults. I know their back story and can totally understand why they are responding and making the choices they are making. However, I also know the only way they can redirect their lives is to learn to make good choices. The best choice they can make is to follow Jesus, but some of them aren't ready to do that. I believe they can learn to make good choices in their day to day activities without following Jesus, so practically that is what I am trying to teach them. Sometime I just want to slap some sense into them. I am working through this balance of loving and showing mercy, yet trying to talk honestly to them about the irresponsible choices they are making.
We spent Easter lunch with our friends, Seth and Callie, at this small grassy area in Bakersfield where we fed lunch to about 10 homeless people. We took tri-tip, beans, potato salad, cookies and drinks. Most of them came to us to get food, then left. A couple weren't very social, so we took some plates to them. Three of the men ate with us. One of them, specifically sat down with Seth, Callie, Brent, James and I and shared his story. What sadness and loss he has experienced. I'm sure in the midst of all his losses, he made some poor choices which has made it difficult for him to find work now, but I cannot imagine walking the path he has walked. He has no one. His parents and brother have passed away, and his sister lives clear across the country and they have not maintained contact. He truly has no one. It doesn't change the fact that he made some poor choices, but he is suffering the consequences. It's our job, now, to show compassion and to help make a difference in his life. We still don't know exactly what our specific role is, but we are seeking God in all of that, and He has laid a lot on our hearts.
I am praying that I will seek God in trying to find this balance. I think my biggest issue is lack of waiting for direction. I speak when I should be quiet and I act when I should be still and listen. I need to know from God what to say and when to say it, what to do and when to do it. I think if I can slow down a bit and wait on God, my responses will probably show this balance that I think we have to have. I just know that we are called to serve, and when I serve others, I want to serve them well, with the heart of Jesus.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Birthday Season
We are nearing the end of birthday season in our house. We have all six birthdays between February 10th and April 25th with four of them in March. It's hard to believe my oldest is fifteen, but I think even harder to believe that my youngest if nearly five. As I type, she is sitting next to me writing letters on a piece of paper and adding 2 + 1. Oh, my, where did the time go?
James turned 15 on February 10th, and we celebrated by he and I jumping in a car and driving to Bartlesville. It was a great time on the road. Pretty much once we got to Bartlesville I didn't see him, but the time in the car was fabulous! He's such a great kid. He's a teenager and drives us crazy occasionally, but when I really think about it and think of myself at that age, I am so proud of him. He checks his brain from time to time, particularly when he is interacting with his siblings, but most of the time he is really on top of things. I am most proud of his walk with Jesus. When I was 15, I was boy crazy and acting stupid, making bad choices a lot of the time. He's hanging out with his friends, usually at our house. I'm sure he thinks girls are cute, but he's not over eager to date, enjoying his guy time! He's usually up early reading his Bible, and he likes to sit and hear his dad's sermons on Sunday morning. When he was little, we called him our "little evangelist". This hasn't changed . . . he has some pretty crazy friends who he loves to have over, and they seem to like to be here because they keep on returning. Most of them have had little to no exposure to Jesus. James is ready and willing to share the Truth with them! It's great!
Jason turned 12 on March 31st. He had four friends over to spend the night. He is a great friend to others, such an encourager. He does not study Scripture like his brother, but he has a heart of gold, and his actions truly display the love of Jesus. This is something we hear about him from others frequently. You can read an earlier post of mine about what his teacher said about him earlier this year, one of the greatest compliments I have received on one of my children. He is a friend to the friendless and the people who no one else will befriend. I know it's not always easy to be friends with some of the people he is friends with, but he does it anyway. He loves the Lord and grows daily to be more like Jesus.
David turned 7 on March 2nd. He actually had a birthday party this year, although not until March 13th. He had several friends over and they had a big Wii tournament on the big screen in the house. None of us really like cake, so everyone had giant chocolate chip cookies. David's were shaped and decorated like a bowling pin, a baseball, and a putting green! It was fun! I baked, and Brent decorated! David is asking so many questions about Jesus. Easter was a precious time with him this year as he was able to better comprehend Jesus's death and resurrection and what that means for him personally. He has asked to be baptized. We still are not certain he fully grasps it, so we are waiting and having almost daily conversations with him.
Sarah will be five in a couple weeks. She will have her first birthday party ever. She wants a princess tea party, but recently she told us she wanted to invite prince's also. We will see. I would rather keep it small. She has been planning every little detail, including making up her own game that I don't think I can possibly re-explain. Not sure how we are going to handle that yet! She is really into learning and will do great in kindergarten next year. She loves preschool, loves learning her letters, loves adding, and is excellent at following instructions and making sure everyone around her follows them also. She has been talking way too much lately, so that could pose to be a problem for her in the classroom. We will see! Again, I reflect on my own life, and I am sorry to my parents if they happen to read this. I love you! But the thing I remember about turning five was that it was my first birthday without my parents being together. It was hard. I'm so grateful that Sarah will remember five differently.
In the mix of all the kids' birthdays, Brent and I often don't do much to celebrate. Usually we try to get out by ourselves for dinner or something. This year I decided to try to have some friends over to celebrate with Brent. His birthday was Saturday, so I emailed a few of his close friends here and down in the Thousand Oaks area. Not everyone could be here Saturday, so we had two birthday dinners. Saturday we had steak and potatoes, and I made my first cheesecake ever, and it actually was okay. I don't really care too much for cheesecake, but Brent loves it. Scott and Amberly were here for dinner with us. Then on Sunday we had chicken and linguine with a white sauce and a chocolate chip dessert. His friend, Mike, came up from Thousand Oaks, and our friends Eric and Shannon came over also. It was nice.
Then for my birthday, we went to BJs with our small group and had dinner and my favorite, a pizookie! We laughed and enjoyed each other's company. And Brent went out shopping for an orange tree for me. He wasn't actually able to get it. They didn't have the size in that he wanted, but soon I will have an orange tree. I wanted a house with one when we moved here, but that didn't happen, so I have been asking for one since. I think it might be one of my favorite presents of all time! We just have to get it and get it planted!!!
I look at my life, at my family, at our friends . . . We are truly blessed and I am so thankful!!! It's not always easy, but it sure is incredible!!! I can add to that in another post when I share about Easter Sunday, which was such an amazing treat! Our birthdays pale in comparison to what we have to celebrate on Easter, what we need to be celebrating each day!
James turned 15 on February 10th, and we celebrated by he and I jumping in a car and driving to Bartlesville. It was a great time on the road. Pretty much once we got to Bartlesville I didn't see him, but the time in the car was fabulous! He's such a great kid. He's a teenager and drives us crazy occasionally, but when I really think about it and think of myself at that age, I am so proud of him. He checks his brain from time to time, particularly when he is interacting with his siblings, but most of the time he is really on top of things. I am most proud of his walk with Jesus. When I was 15, I was boy crazy and acting stupid, making bad choices a lot of the time. He's hanging out with his friends, usually at our house. I'm sure he thinks girls are cute, but he's not over eager to date, enjoying his guy time! He's usually up early reading his Bible, and he likes to sit and hear his dad's sermons on Sunday morning. When he was little, we called him our "little evangelist". This hasn't changed . . . he has some pretty crazy friends who he loves to have over, and they seem to like to be here because they keep on returning. Most of them have had little to no exposure to Jesus. James is ready and willing to share the Truth with them! It's great!
Jason turned 12 on March 31st. He had four friends over to spend the night. He is a great friend to others, such an encourager. He does not study Scripture like his brother, but he has a heart of gold, and his actions truly display the love of Jesus. This is something we hear about him from others frequently. You can read an earlier post of mine about what his teacher said about him earlier this year, one of the greatest compliments I have received on one of my children. He is a friend to the friendless and the people who no one else will befriend. I know it's not always easy to be friends with some of the people he is friends with, but he does it anyway. He loves the Lord and grows daily to be more like Jesus.
David turned 7 on March 2nd. He actually had a birthday party this year, although not until March 13th. He had several friends over and they had a big Wii tournament on the big screen in the house. None of us really like cake, so everyone had giant chocolate chip cookies. David's were shaped and decorated like a bowling pin, a baseball, and a putting green! It was fun! I baked, and Brent decorated! David is asking so many questions about Jesus. Easter was a precious time with him this year as he was able to better comprehend Jesus's death and resurrection and what that means for him personally. He has asked to be baptized. We still are not certain he fully grasps it, so we are waiting and having almost daily conversations with him.
Sarah will be five in a couple weeks. She will have her first birthday party ever. She wants a princess tea party, but recently she told us she wanted to invite prince's also. We will see. I would rather keep it small. She has been planning every little detail, including making up her own game that I don't think I can possibly re-explain. Not sure how we are going to handle that yet! She is really into learning and will do great in kindergarten next year. She loves preschool, loves learning her letters, loves adding, and is excellent at following instructions and making sure everyone around her follows them also. She has been talking way too much lately, so that could pose to be a problem for her in the classroom. We will see! Again, I reflect on my own life, and I am sorry to my parents if they happen to read this. I love you! But the thing I remember about turning five was that it was my first birthday without my parents being together. It was hard. I'm so grateful that Sarah will remember five differently.
In the mix of all the kids' birthdays, Brent and I often don't do much to celebrate. Usually we try to get out by ourselves for dinner or something. This year I decided to try to have some friends over to celebrate with Brent. His birthday was Saturday, so I emailed a few of his close friends here and down in the Thousand Oaks area. Not everyone could be here Saturday, so we had two birthday dinners. Saturday we had steak and potatoes, and I made my first cheesecake ever, and it actually was okay. I don't really care too much for cheesecake, but Brent loves it. Scott and Amberly were here for dinner with us. Then on Sunday we had chicken and linguine with a white sauce and a chocolate chip dessert. His friend, Mike, came up from Thousand Oaks, and our friends Eric and Shannon came over also. It was nice.
Then for my birthday, we went to BJs with our small group and had dinner and my favorite, a pizookie! We laughed and enjoyed each other's company. And Brent went out shopping for an orange tree for me. He wasn't actually able to get it. They didn't have the size in that he wanted, but soon I will have an orange tree. I wanted a house with one when we moved here, but that didn't happen, so I have been asking for one since. I think it might be one of my favorite presents of all time! We just have to get it and get it planted!!!
I look at my life, at my family, at our friends . . . We are truly blessed and I am so thankful!!! It's not always easy, but it sure is incredible!!! I can add to that in another post when I share about Easter Sunday, which was such an amazing treat! Our birthdays pale in comparison to what we have to celebrate on Easter, what we need to be celebrating each day!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Update on my last post
I am very, very sad to say that there was an abortion . . . and it has been hard. I did not know it took place until several days later. Please pray for this young lady. Please pray for me as I continue to love her unconditionally. My heart aches for her!
Through all of this, I have become further frustrated that abortion is legal. When you relinquish your rights to a child (I have sat through many a proceeding in this regard) you have to answer all sorts of questions to prove that you are of sound mind and not under duress or anything like that. I am just wondering who, when they make a choice to have an abortion, is "of sound mind" or "not under duress"? I remember my first few months of pregnancy . . . I was anything but. I was hormonal, sick, emotional, you name it. And a person who is in a contemplative state, considering termination of her pregnancy, must be in a more stressful state of mind than I can even imagine (for probably a million reasons I cannot understand), and not of sound mind. But a person getting an abortion does not have to prove these things. I just know this is going to be painful for her at some point, if it isn't already.
I'm not one to blog about politically hot topics, so I am not going to go on and on about this. I pray if you read this and you have had an abortion, you hear what I am saying in a loving way. That little life is with Jesus now. It is the mother, here on earth, who has to suffer from the pain of a decision she made. She is the one I ache for now. And I ache for her because I care so much about her.
This life is sad and very hard. Heaven is going to be a wonderful place!!!
Through all of this, I have become further frustrated that abortion is legal. When you relinquish your rights to a child (I have sat through many a proceeding in this regard) you have to answer all sorts of questions to prove that you are of sound mind and not under duress or anything like that. I am just wondering who, when they make a choice to have an abortion, is "of sound mind" or "not under duress"? I remember my first few months of pregnancy . . . I was anything but. I was hormonal, sick, emotional, you name it. And a person who is in a contemplative state, considering termination of her pregnancy, must be in a more stressful state of mind than I can even imagine (for probably a million reasons I cannot understand), and not of sound mind. But a person getting an abortion does not have to prove these things. I just know this is going to be painful for her at some point, if it isn't already.
I'm not one to blog about politically hot topics, so I am not going to go on and on about this. I pray if you read this and you have had an abortion, you hear what I am saying in a loving way. That little life is with Jesus now. It is the mother, here on earth, who has to suffer from the pain of a decision she made. She is the one I ache for now. And I ache for her because I care so much about her.
This life is sad and very hard. Heaven is going to be a wonderful place!!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sadness . . .
I have seen a lot of sad reality in my years as a social worker. I have met hurting and broken people, and seen and read things that most people pretend do not exist. The trauma that happens to children is appalling, and it carries over into their adulthood. There's no doubt about it. I have been faced with many situations which have caused me to have to really look inside to determine things that I once thought were dogmatically immoral. (For example, putting a child on birth control before she started menstruating for fear that she would become pregnant before she ever had a period . . . yes, it can happen, sadly.) That was many years ago when I felt strongly that putting kids on birth control was only encouraging their promiscuous behavior. That's still debatable, and I still struggle with it, but I also know too many people who shouldn't be parents are becoming parents. And they have not been raised with the morals and beliefs that my children are being raised with, so it's a tough one.
But a week ago I was faced with the most difficult situation yet. It was not a hard decision to give an answer to the request, but truly it had never even been something I imagined ever happening. I had someone ask me to take them to the abortion clinic. I told her immediately that I could not, but I found myself later wondering about it . . . here's the story. There is a woman in my life who had a very difficult childhood. She's barely out of that childhood now, but she is an adult. She wants absolutely nothing to do with Jesus, and I am not sure that she has any healthy adults in her life. She already has one child, who she has great difficulty parenting. I truly believe she loves him, but she has NO skills, and teaching them is much harder than I ever imagined. She has been antagonistic against anything related to "religion" or "church". She didn't even want to come to a parenting group at a church because it was held at a church, even though it is non-religious. She got mad at a friend of mine when he offered to pray for her one day. I have been building a relationship with her over several months, probably 8 or so. A week ago Thursday I got a text message from her saying some choice words but ultimately telling me she was pregnant and trying to find a clinic. I asked her to hold off on finding a clinic and told her I would be by the next day to talk to her and in the meantime would be praying for her. I didn't know what her response would be to that, but I wanted her to know it. She simply thanked me, no anger.
The next day I went over and sat with her. The story got sadder as we went along, but I will hold off on the details because of confidentiality. However, when I was at her house, she shared with me that her family was angry with her. One particular family member had recently started attending church. Before she started attending church, she was fine with cohabitation and multiple fathers, but after she started at church, she was very judgmental and basically told this person she was living in sin, so she would no longer have any relationship with her. Through this conversation, I was able to share with her the fact that Jesus loves her and that He died on the cross for all of her sins, if she would only believe that. He does judge, but more importantly at this time, He loves and forgives. He is love. She did not get angry and did not throw me out of her house. But she would not let me pray for her either. So I told her I would pray quietly and outside of her house. I talked to her about the life in her and how important this baby is and how God loves the baby. She has always thought abortion was wrong, but in the midst of fear and stress, she was/is contemplating. So I spent the weekend praying for her every time I thought of her.
On Monday when I saw her again, she requested I take her to the clinic. She said she is definitely having an abortion. I continued to counsel her along the lines of how difficult I believe this will be for her in the future as she deals with the fact that she chose to kill her baby. I told her that I cared about her and will be there for her, but I absolutely could not take her to the clinic. I asked her to hold off on making any decision until I could get her some literature on abortion and adoption. It is interesting because she thinks adoption is just as bad as abortion. It's not the killing of the baby that is so hard for her, it is the giving up the baby in any way that is hard for her. I never thought about that before, a different perspective, which makes perfect sense knowing what little I know about her history. I went to our local crisis pregnancy center, a CareNet facility, and got some literature and took it to her that night and asked her to read through it, particularly about the difficulties mothers deal with after they make that decision and then the facts about the types of abortions and what they can do physically and emotionally. I don't think I have ever read through one of those . . . terribly difficult to read. As of today, she is still pregnant but continues to say that she is planning to go to a clinic. I am trying to prolong the situation so I can continue to have conversations with her. There aren't many days that you can get an abortion here, so that is helpful, and I don't think she has any money to do it, so that also is good. i just continue to pray that things will happen that keep her from a clinic.
When I mentioned that I have continued to wonder about taking her to the abortion clinic, it's because I can't imagine her going through that alone. I can't do it (go to the clinic). Morally, I just can't do it. I think I would physically be sick if I was party to the situation, but I keep thinking about her having to sit in the clinic all alone going through something so traumatic. If she were losing her baby by natural causes, I would be there holding her hand and helping her to process. Just because she makes a choice does not mean she doesn't need the help processing and being loved. I wonder if she has ever experienced unconditional love, love given to her even when she is acting in a way that someone who loves her thinks is wrong. I think of all the times I totally and completely love my kids, even though they are doing something wrong. I think of all the times God has loved me, even though I was doing something wrong. He is there with me so often when I am making poor decisions. Those are the things that have been coming and going in my mind. Tough stuff! Pray that I would show her this kind of love through this situation and pray that she would have the courage to make the right decision, to find an adoptive home for this new little baby.
And on a selfish note, this is very stressful for me. I feel like if I can't make a difference in her choice, what am I doing in this role. Pray that I will just do what I can and be obedient to what God wants me to do and trust God with the rest, and that I won't put undue pressure on myself.
But a week ago I was faced with the most difficult situation yet. It was not a hard decision to give an answer to the request, but truly it had never even been something I imagined ever happening. I had someone ask me to take them to the abortion clinic. I told her immediately that I could not, but I found myself later wondering about it . . . here's the story. There is a woman in my life who had a very difficult childhood. She's barely out of that childhood now, but she is an adult. She wants absolutely nothing to do with Jesus, and I am not sure that she has any healthy adults in her life. She already has one child, who she has great difficulty parenting. I truly believe she loves him, but she has NO skills, and teaching them is much harder than I ever imagined. She has been antagonistic against anything related to "religion" or "church". She didn't even want to come to a parenting group at a church because it was held at a church, even though it is non-religious. She got mad at a friend of mine when he offered to pray for her one day. I have been building a relationship with her over several months, probably 8 or so. A week ago Thursday I got a text message from her saying some choice words but ultimately telling me she was pregnant and trying to find a clinic. I asked her to hold off on finding a clinic and told her I would be by the next day to talk to her and in the meantime would be praying for her. I didn't know what her response would be to that, but I wanted her to know it. She simply thanked me, no anger.
The next day I went over and sat with her. The story got sadder as we went along, but I will hold off on the details because of confidentiality. However, when I was at her house, she shared with me that her family was angry with her. One particular family member had recently started attending church. Before she started attending church, she was fine with cohabitation and multiple fathers, but after she started at church, she was very judgmental and basically told this person she was living in sin, so she would no longer have any relationship with her. Through this conversation, I was able to share with her the fact that Jesus loves her and that He died on the cross for all of her sins, if she would only believe that. He does judge, but more importantly at this time, He loves and forgives. He is love. She did not get angry and did not throw me out of her house. But she would not let me pray for her either. So I told her I would pray quietly and outside of her house. I talked to her about the life in her and how important this baby is and how God loves the baby. She has always thought abortion was wrong, but in the midst of fear and stress, she was/is contemplating. So I spent the weekend praying for her every time I thought of her.
On Monday when I saw her again, she requested I take her to the clinic. She said she is definitely having an abortion. I continued to counsel her along the lines of how difficult I believe this will be for her in the future as she deals with the fact that she chose to kill her baby. I told her that I cared about her and will be there for her, but I absolutely could not take her to the clinic. I asked her to hold off on making any decision until I could get her some literature on abortion and adoption. It is interesting because she thinks adoption is just as bad as abortion. It's not the killing of the baby that is so hard for her, it is the giving up the baby in any way that is hard for her. I never thought about that before, a different perspective, which makes perfect sense knowing what little I know about her history. I went to our local crisis pregnancy center, a CareNet facility, and got some literature and took it to her that night and asked her to read through it, particularly about the difficulties mothers deal with after they make that decision and then the facts about the types of abortions and what they can do physically and emotionally. I don't think I have ever read through one of those . . . terribly difficult to read. As of today, she is still pregnant but continues to say that she is planning to go to a clinic. I am trying to prolong the situation so I can continue to have conversations with her. There aren't many days that you can get an abortion here, so that is helpful, and I don't think she has any money to do it, so that also is good. i just continue to pray that things will happen that keep her from a clinic.
When I mentioned that I have continued to wonder about taking her to the abortion clinic, it's because I can't imagine her going through that alone. I can't do it (go to the clinic). Morally, I just can't do it. I think I would physically be sick if I was party to the situation, but I keep thinking about her having to sit in the clinic all alone going through something so traumatic. If she were losing her baby by natural causes, I would be there holding her hand and helping her to process. Just because she makes a choice does not mean she doesn't need the help processing and being loved. I wonder if she has ever experienced unconditional love, love given to her even when she is acting in a way that someone who loves her thinks is wrong. I think of all the times I totally and completely love my kids, even though they are doing something wrong. I think of all the times God has loved me, even though I was doing something wrong. He is there with me so often when I am making poor decisions. Those are the things that have been coming and going in my mind. Tough stuff! Pray that I would show her this kind of love through this situation and pray that she would have the courage to make the right decision, to find an adoptive home for this new little baby.
And on a selfish note, this is very stressful for me. I feel like if I can't make a difference in her choice, what am I doing in this role. Pray that I will just do what I can and be obedient to what God wants me to do and trust God with the rest, and that I won't put undue pressure on myself.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Same Kind of Different As Me = Fantastic
At the recommendation of some friends, I just read Same Kind of Different As Me. For those of you, who like me a few weeks ago, know nothing about this book because you are not up on books, it is a true story about two men from very different worlds who meet and become lifelong friends through the encouragement and faith of an incredible, strong woman. It is a story of God's power to overcome heartache and pain that seem impossible to overcome.
For me, it was a story of the blessing and encouragement I can be for my husband, especially, but also for others. If it was not for this woman, this friendship would not have taken place. It was through her forgiveness and loving encouragement that her husband was able to become the man he became. It was convicting! It was through her courage and conviction that so many lives were touched. I pray I can leave a legacy (in my own way) like she was able to do. I hope I am obedient and the woman of God that I am called to be. I hope I am in touch enough that I can hear or see when God points me in certain directions so that I can leave the legacy He has called me to leave.
I can't recommend the book enough!! And, aside from the tears, it is an easy read!!!
For me, it was a story of the blessing and encouragement I can be for my husband, especially, but also for others. If it was not for this woman, this friendship would not have taken place. It was through her forgiveness and loving encouragement that her husband was able to become the man he became. It was convicting! It was through her courage and conviction that so many lives were touched. I pray I can leave a legacy (in my own way) like she was able to do. I hope I am obedient and the woman of God that I am called to be. I hope I am in touch enough that I can hear or see when God points me in certain directions so that I can leave the legacy He has called me to leave.
I can't recommend the book enough!! And, aside from the tears, it is an easy read!!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Holidays
I know I'm a bit late on this one . . . but we had a fabulous holiday season, so late or not, I want to share!!!
For Thanksgiving, we traveled down to my aunt, uncle and grandmother's. I don't think I actually took any pictures. We spent the evening before Thanksgiving at Disneyland, then we had Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt and uncle's and spent the night there that night. It was nice. The kids enjoyed their second cousins, and we enjoyed my first cousins.
Christmas was just wonderful! We started off the break from school with our last trip to Disneyland. It was such a great year with season passes, but we had pretty much decided we would do something different for 2010, just because Disneyland passes are so expensive. So we enjoyed a night and day there. The biggest excitement that night was that David was finally tall enough to ride California Screamin'. He has been waiting for this moment all year long, and I wasn't sure he was going to make it. He was a little freaked out, as was I. I'm still not sure he was tall enough, no matter what the sign said! But he loved it and rode it several times! Here are few pics of our two days. The first is of Sarah on the Ariel Carousel while the boys were on the roller coaster.
The next is of David and Sarah on the main Carousel in Storybookland.
Then we have Sarah comparing shoes with Mrs. Clause . . . they were very similar.
I didn't get any great pics of the older boys, at least not any that are on my computer.
I spent the next couple days cleaning the house and preparing for Christmas. Dad flew into San Diego and picked up my grandmother. They arrived here on Wednesday. This was our first Christmas since leaving Bartlesville that we were with family. I was so excited to have them here!! We have done fine the last couple years, but I was really dreading not having family with us this year, so I was so happy when Dad said he was coming and then when Grandma asked if she could come, too. Among other things, she was great help in getting prepared for Christmas Eve. We invited everyone from the church over, and we had about 40 come. We sang carols, read the Christmas story and just enjoyed company. We had a lot of finger foods. When everyone left, we attempted to get some family snapshots in front of the Christmas tree. I got a couple of decent ones of the kids and the kids with Dad and Grandma, but none of the six of us.
We woke up Christmas morning and opened gifts, followed by a nice breakfast (a rare occurrence in our house)! Then Brent put together Sarah's kitchen while I finished the food for lunch. Everyone watched Up. Then at about 2:30 our friends Scott (our new strategic pastor at Kaleo!!!) and Amberly and their children, Judah and Josiah, and our friend, Susan, came for dinner. We had a HUGE amount of food. It was delicious! Clean up was followed by a short nap and playing of games.
Dad and Grandma stayed until Wednesday morning, at which time we all went to Escondido (Northern San Diego County) to my aunt and uncle's to spend New Year's Even and surprise Grandma for her 90th birthday.
New Year's Eve was celebrated at my cousin, Cindy's. The kids swam while the adults played Wii. Even Grandma had her turn batting and golfing, as did Aunt Mary, who is blind. Yes, she batted, swinging when the crowd told her to, and proudly, she scored better than her husband, my Uncle Jim, whose sight is perfectly fine!!! It was a blast.
The following day we celebrated Grandma turning 90. Her birthday was not actually until the 7th, but this is when everyone could be in town. It was special for all of us who were there. She seemed to enjoy herself very much. She is in amazing shape for her age. I hope I am doing that well if I live to be that age. She will be spending a month on a cruise in early spring . . . a month, yes!!! But I figure, at 90, if that's what she wants, that's what she should do!!! It's great to be close enough to celebrate with her!!! We returned home late that night, or rather early the following morning. I felt so blessed this year at Christmas, with friends, family and church family around. I could not ask for more, except for the rest of our family to be here, too!!!
For Thanksgiving, we traveled down to my aunt, uncle and grandmother's. I don't think I actually took any pictures. We spent the evening before Thanksgiving at Disneyland, then we had Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt and uncle's and spent the night there that night. It was nice. The kids enjoyed their second cousins, and we enjoyed my first cousins.
Christmas was just wonderful! We started off the break from school with our last trip to Disneyland. It was such a great year with season passes, but we had pretty much decided we would do something different for 2010, just because Disneyland passes are so expensive. So we enjoyed a night and day there. The biggest excitement that night was that David was finally tall enough to ride California Screamin'. He has been waiting for this moment all year long, and I wasn't sure he was going to make it. He was a little freaked out, as was I. I'm still not sure he was tall enough, no matter what the sign said! But he loved it and rode it several times! Here are few pics of our two days. The first is of Sarah on the Ariel Carousel while the boys were on the roller coaster.
The next is of David and Sarah on the main Carousel in Storybookland.
Then we have Sarah comparing shoes with Mrs. Clause . . . they were very similar.
I didn't get any great pics of the older boys, at least not any that are on my computer.
I spent the next couple days cleaning the house and preparing for Christmas. Dad flew into San Diego and picked up my grandmother. They arrived here on Wednesday. This was our first Christmas since leaving Bartlesville that we were with family. I was so excited to have them here!! We have done fine the last couple years, but I was really dreading not having family with us this year, so I was so happy when Dad said he was coming and then when Grandma asked if she could come, too. Among other things, she was great help in getting prepared for Christmas Eve. We invited everyone from the church over, and we had about 40 come. We sang carols, read the Christmas story and just enjoyed company. We had a lot of finger foods. When everyone left, we attempted to get some family snapshots in front of the Christmas tree. I got a couple of decent ones of the kids and the kids with Dad and Grandma, but none of the six of us.
We woke up Christmas morning and opened gifts, followed by a nice breakfast (a rare occurrence in our house)! Then Brent put together Sarah's kitchen while I finished the food for lunch. Everyone watched Up. Then at about 2:30 our friends Scott (our new strategic pastor at Kaleo!!!) and Amberly and their children, Judah and Josiah, and our friend, Susan, came for dinner. We had a HUGE amount of food. It was delicious! Clean up was followed by a short nap and playing of games.
Dad and Grandma stayed until Wednesday morning, at which time we all went to Escondido (Northern San Diego County) to my aunt and uncle's to spend New Year's Even and surprise Grandma for her 90th birthday.
New Year's Eve was celebrated at my cousin, Cindy's. The kids swam while the adults played Wii. Even Grandma had her turn batting and golfing, as did Aunt Mary, who is blind. Yes, she batted, swinging when the crowd told her to, and proudly, she scored better than her husband, my Uncle Jim, whose sight is perfectly fine!!! It was a blast.
The following day we celebrated Grandma turning 90. Her birthday was not actually until the 7th, but this is when everyone could be in town. It was special for all of us who were there. She seemed to enjoy herself very much. She is in amazing shape for her age. I hope I am doing that well if I live to be that age. She will be spending a month on a cruise in early spring . . . a month, yes!!! But I figure, at 90, if that's what she wants, that's what she should do!!! It's great to be close enough to celebrate with her!!! We returned home late that night, or rather early the following morning. I felt so blessed this year at Christmas, with friends, family and church family around. I could not ask for more, except for the rest of our family to be here, too!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)