In the Christmas/New Years letter that I never sent, I was going to mention how we were glad it was a New Year with a clean slate that we hoped would not include anymore trips to the ER, Urgent Care or Hospital. Well, as usual I was late getting it done, and no longer can I say that I hope 2011 will not include such emergencies/inconveniences.
Yesterday, while playing with some friends, sliding down hills on cardboard boxes, David decided he could get momentum by jumping. I saw him doing it once and as I was saying, "You need to stop before you break your tailbone," he jumped again and got a spiral fracture in his right lower leg. We were approximately an hour out of town (an hour and a half when a child's leg is broken because of how slow Brent had to drive down the dirt roads). David was in excruciating pain. Initially, I wasn't sure if he was exaggerating some, but he wasn't calming down much at all. After the x-rays were taken, and we were given a diagnosis (along with a discussion from the doctor about how these kind of fractures are the most painful), I knew the pain was very much as he was reacting to it.
It was a horrible situation in so many ways. In addition to the pain, it's always much worse to have an accident happen on someone else's property. I felt horrible for them because they felt so bad that it happened. I can relate because we had friends here just about 11 months ago and Jake fell out of Jason's bed and broke his wrist. It just feels rotten, so I could relate to how they were feeling. In addition to that, these friends (whose house we were at yesterday) lost a friend to a heart attack last night after David's injury.
To be very raw, I was really down yesterday. I'm tired of having all these emergencies. Starting last May, we have been to the emergency room/Urgent care eight times for injuries, and in addition, James had cleft lip repair surgery. That coming to a head with a spiral fracture does not look good. Let's face it, I have investigated child abuse for many years, it's suspicious. There are emotions surrounding that. There are emotions surrounding the fact that it's hard to care for injured kids in many different ways. Quick example, it hurts David to move, so he doesn't want to go to the bathroom. I just walked into the other room to check on him and there was a funny odor. He had tinkled in Sarah's apple juice cup to avoid having to get up. He made a minimal mess, but anyone could have picked that up and taken a drink. I think that may be laughable in a couple days, but not right now. There are emotions surrounding the fact that I am physically and emotionally tired. There are emotions around the fact that I have to watch my child hurt like he does without being able to take away the pain. The list goes on and on.
However, I am having to remind myself and needing to receive reminders from Brent. This is not so bad. There are people out there whose lives are forever changing because of different things . . . someone being diagnosed with cancer or other life threatening illness, someone dying suddenly of a heart attack, someone's marriage falling apart. I have seen so much pain in the lives of others. My situation is an inconvenience for sure, but it is not going to change the whole course of our lives. I write this as a reminder to myself when I am feeling overwhelmed or burdened.
In the midst of all of this, David has sweetly and unintentionally reminded me and turned my eyes toward the fact that Scripture says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord . . . " A week or so ago, David and I were at Target shopping with his Christmas money. We ran into his teacher. It's always fun for kids to see their teachers out in public, at least when they like their teachers. Anyway, as we were walking away, David said, "I didn't know we were going to see my teacher . . . but God did. He knows everything." Again yesterday, in not such a happy tone, David said, "Why did this happen? Why did I jump? God knew this was going to happen." While he was upset, it took me back to the conversation in Target. What a difference in the way it was said but what truth. God knows the good and the bad, and He has a plan for it all. It made for a good quick conversation about God's plans with David yesterday.
I don't know why it's necessary for us to experience so many visits to the doctor. I don't know why our friends had to experience two difficult situations yesterday. I don't know why marriages end and children and adults have to live with that for the rest of their lives. I don't know why people are diagnosed with cancer. And while I think sin plays a role in some of these things, and God is sad about many of them and sad about the choices we make often, I also know sometimes what happens is out of our control and something God allows for some purpose in our lives. Sometimes we see the purpose right away; sometimes we don't. It's tough; it's a battle out there. Right now I just want to drown in self-pity, but then what Glory would God get? My purpose is to live a life that glorifies God. So, I continue to pray that I will do so. If you are reading this, please pray these "inconveniences" won't get the best of me. Yesterday I felt it might.
Here's my sweet boy at the end of the day yesterday.