On My Heart

I need to post about so many things . . . Easter . . . a book . . . my kids . . . life in general. So here is some rambling about what God has been teaching me. I'm still working through all my thoughts, but here goes.

Just before Easter, our small group completed a study on becoming a good samaritan. I was dealing with the abortion issues from my previous post. We have some friends who are serving and loving some homeless people and I felt a tug to get involved on some level. I completed the book The Same Kind of Different As Me and now the sequel, What Difference Do It Make, and both touched me deeply. With all of this plus my job, I figure God must be trying to work on my heart in regards to being a servant to those in need, but what does that mean? To tell you the truth, because of my job (which might seem kind of backward), in many ways I lack compassion and mercy for the down and out. It is very conflicting. I said something in small group one night that caused someone to question my contradiction, which in turn caused me to think about it a lot. What does God want from me? What do I need to do to be obedient to Him?

I think it is hard to come to a good balance with these issues. There is such a fine line in trying to balance responsibility and compassion, similar to the balance of grace and truth. In my job, I work with former foster youth, young adults who turned 18 in the foster care system. Some might think that their 18th birthday means freedom, but in the words of one of my co-workers it's more like they "were thrown to the wolves." They do not know what to do next. THey don't have the support of their family as they learn independence, no one to call when they make mistakes and need direction. I have a giant heart for these young adults. I know their back story and can totally understand why they are responding and making the choices they are making. However, I also know the only way they can redirect their lives is to learn to make good choices. The best choice they can make is to follow Jesus, but some of them aren't ready to do that. I believe they can learn to make good choices in their day to day activities without following Jesus, so practically that is what I am trying to teach them. Sometime I just want to slap some sense into them. I am working through this balance of loving and showing mercy, yet trying to talk honestly to them about the irresponsible choices they are making.

We spent Easter lunch with our friends, Seth and Callie, at this small grassy area in Bakersfield where we fed lunch to about 10 homeless people. We took tri-tip, beans, potato salad, cookies and drinks. Most of them came to us to get food, then left. A couple weren't very social, so we took some plates to them. Three of the men ate with us. One of them, specifically sat down with Seth, Callie, Brent, James and I and shared his story. What sadness and loss he has experienced. I'm sure in the midst of all his losses, he made some poor choices which has made it difficult for him to find work now, but I cannot imagine walking the path he has walked. He has no one. His parents and brother have passed away, and his sister lives clear across the country and they have not maintained contact. He truly has no one. It doesn't change the fact that he made some poor choices, but he is suffering the consequences. It's our job, now, to show compassion and to help make a difference in his life. We still don't know exactly what our specific role is, but we are seeking God in all of that, and He has laid a lot on our hearts.

I am praying that I will seek God in trying to find this balance. I think my biggest issue is lack of waiting for direction. I speak when I should be quiet and I act when I should be still and listen. I need to know from God what to say and when to say it, what to do and when to do it. I think if I can slow down a bit and wait on God, my responses will probably show this balance that I think we have to have. I just know that we are called to serve, and when I serve others, I want to serve them well, with the heart of Jesus.