Sadness . . .

I have seen a lot of sad reality in my years as a social worker. I have met hurting and broken people, and seen and read things that most people pretend do not exist. The trauma that happens to children is appalling, and it carries over into their adulthood. There's no doubt about it. I have been faced with many situations which have caused me to have to really look inside to determine things that I once thought were dogmatically immoral. (For example, putting a child on birth control before she started menstruating for fear that she would become pregnant before she ever had a period . . . yes, it can happen, sadly.) That was many years ago when I felt strongly that putting kids on birth control was only encouraging their promiscuous behavior. That's still debatable, and I still struggle with it, but I also know too many people who shouldn't be parents are becoming parents. And they have not been raised with the morals and beliefs that my children are being raised with, so it's a tough one.

But a week ago I was faced with the most difficult situation yet. It was not a hard decision to give an answer to the request, but truly it had never even been something I imagined ever happening. I had someone ask me to take them to the abortion clinic. I told her immediately that I could not, but I found myself later wondering about it . . . here's the story. There is a woman in my life who had a very difficult childhood. She's barely out of that childhood now, but she is an adult. She wants absolutely nothing to do with Jesus, and I am not sure that she has any healthy adults in her life. She already has one child, who she has great difficulty parenting. I truly believe she loves him, but she has NO skills, and teaching them is much harder than I ever imagined. She has been antagonistic against anything related to "religion" or "church". She didn't even want to come to a parenting group at a church because it was held at a church, even though it is non-religious. She got mad at a friend of mine when he offered to pray for her one day. I have been building a relationship with her over several months, probably 8 or so. A week ago Thursday I got a text message from her saying some choice words but ultimately telling me she was pregnant and trying to find a clinic. I asked her to hold off on finding a clinic and told her I would be by the next day to talk to her and in the meantime would be praying for her. I didn't know what her response would be to that, but I wanted her to know it. She simply thanked me, no anger.

The next day I went over and sat with her. The story got sadder as we went along, but I will hold off on the details because of confidentiality. However, when I was at her house, she shared with me that her family was angry with her. One particular family member had recently started attending church. Before she started attending church, she was fine with cohabitation and multiple fathers, but after she started at church, she was very judgmental and basically told this person she was living in sin, so she would no longer have any relationship with her. Through this conversation, I was able to share with her the fact that Jesus loves her and that He died on the cross for all of her sins, if she would only believe that. He does judge, but more importantly at this time, He loves and forgives. He is love. She did not get angry and did not throw me out of her house. But she would not let me pray for her either. So I told her I would pray quietly and outside of her house. I talked to her about the life in her and how important this baby is and how God loves the baby. She has always thought abortion was wrong, but in the midst of fear and stress, she was/is contemplating. So I spent the weekend praying for her every time I thought of her.

On Monday when I saw her again, she requested I take her to the clinic. She said she is definitely having an abortion. I continued to counsel her along the lines of how difficult I believe this will be for her in the future as she deals with the fact that she chose to kill her baby. I told her that I cared about her and will be there for her, but I absolutely could not take her to the clinic. I asked her to hold off on making any decision until I could get her some literature on abortion and adoption. It is interesting because she thinks adoption is just as bad as abortion. It's not the killing of the baby that is so hard for her, it is the giving up the baby in any way that is hard for her. I never thought about that before, a different perspective, which makes perfect sense knowing what little I know about her history. I went to our local crisis pregnancy center, a CareNet facility, and got some literature and took it to her that night and asked her to read through it, particularly about the difficulties mothers deal with after they make that decision and then the facts about the types of abortions and what they can do physically and emotionally. I don't think I have ever read through one of those . . . terribly difficult to read. As of today, she is still pregnant but continues to say that she is planning to go to a clinic. I am trying to prolong the situation so I can continue to have conversations with her. There aren't many days that you can get an abortion here, so that is helpful, and I don't think she has any money to do it, so that also is good. i just continue to pray that things will happen that keep her from a clinic.

When I mentioned that I have continued to wonder about taking her to the abortion clinic, it's because I can't imagine her going through that alone. I can't do it (go to the clinic). Morally, I just can't do it. I think I would physically be sick if I was party to the situation, but I keep thinking about her having to sit in the clinic all alone going through something so traumatic. If she were losing her baby by natural causes, I would be there holding her hand and helping her to process. Just because she makes a choice does not mean she doesn't need the help processing and being loved. I wonder if she has ever experienced unconditional love, love given to her even when she is acting in a way that someone who loves her thinks is wrong. I think of all the times I totally and completely love my kids, even though they are doing something wrong. I think of all the times God has loved me, even though I was doing something wrong. He is there with me so often when I am making poor decisions. Those are the things that have been coming and going in my mind. Tough stuff! Pray that I would show her this kind of love through this situation and pray that she would have the courage to make the right decision, to find an adoptive home for this new little baby.

And on a selfish note, this is very stressful for me. I feel like if I can't make a difference in her choice, what am I doing in this role. Pray that I will just do what I can and be obedient to what God wants me to do and trust God with the rest, and that I won't put undue pressure on myself.