For anyone who has more than one child, you know what I am
talking about. I remember when Jason
became a toddler and then preschooler and how confused I was . . . and the
confusion with Jason does not even begin to compare to my shock with David. James was a very easy toddler and
preschooler. He was fairly calm and
compliant. The word “no” generally
heeded positive results. He played
nicely by himself. He talked at a young
age, so he was able to verbalize his wants and needs. He was even potty trained by 2 ½ years old,
which we thought was great for a boy. It
was all pretty simple, and Brent and I thought we were pretty good parents.
When Jason was born, he was an easy baby, sleeping through
the night within a few weeks. He was
rarely fussy, and he took nice long naps during the day. The only problem at that time was that he did
not like a bottle, and I had to go back to work. But when Jason got old enough to be told the
word “no” or to be taught and trained various things, from walking to not
touching breakable objects, we were in for something new. And we were stumped!
The rest of their lives have been like this, plus we added
David and Sarah, who each brought their own special personalities, both
positive and negatives, that we have had to learn how to manage. Brent once heard a pastor speak on the
passage, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and in the end he will not
part from it” (Proverbs 22:6). It was
different than what we had previously understood this verse to mean. The pastor talked about raising each child
according to the child’s natural bent.
Now, I’m just a mom blogging (yes, I’m a pastor’s wife, but I’m not
blogging to analyze Scripture) and I’m sure there are plenty of smarter people
out there who can argue the truth of this interpretation with me, but it’s not necessary. Either interpretation is an excellent
promise. This idea of raising a child
according to his gifts and talents and personality makes a lot of sense to me. We have failed miserably at different times,
and we have had to apologize for each of the times that our children have had
to be guinea pigs as we try new parenting strategies on them, but we try.
While James was an easy toddler and preschooler, Jason has
been the easiest teenager ever!!!! It is
very rare that we have to punish him.
When there is an issue, it is generally related to school, which is
ultimately an issue of work ethic. With
James the issues were over his attitude and how much smarter he thought he was
than us. He would argue FOREVER!!!! But his work ethic was incredible! This is only one example of their differences. It has taken a lot of work on our part to
even come close to figuring out what works best with each of them in terms of
guiding and directing them. Sometimes it
would be nice if a quick spanking fixed whatever problems with any of them . .
. for us and for them . . . or if reading a book to them immediately created a
connection with any of them, but they different.
We have to work to figure out both connecting and correcting
opportunities that work for their uniqueness in order to effect the best change
and the best relationship. And though it
is hard, it is also a fun adventure, and I would not give it up for anything in
the world.
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