Being a social worker, though, has taught me so much, and I am so thankful for the lessons I have learned. I wanted to talk about some of them.
1. I have no idea what it feels like to be truly alone and to have no one to lean on who is not getting paid to let me lean on them. The thought of that, which is reality for many of the people with whom I have worked, is heartbreaking. We should all take note of who might need us and be the person who they can lean on, even in small ways.
2. People's past is part of who they are; it cannot be ignored. For some, that past is unbearable. It is paralyzing. It makes a person get stuck in a cycle that they have not idea how to exit. I need to have empathy. As with everyone, I have had some significant pain in my life, and there have been times that I have felt "stuck", but not in the same ways. Trying to hear or even imagine (if people will not share) what a person's life may have been like changes my response to their behavior.
3. On the same note, people have a responsibility to not let their past ruin their future. When I was working with youth who aged out of foster care, and even now when I'm working with older teens (or advising the social workers who I supervise), I used to say something like, "I am terribly sorry about your past, and you have every right to be hurt and upset by it. It is paralyzing and I understand that you do not know anything different, but it's time for you to make a decision. You can change your future. You are not responsible for your past, the pain that happened in childhood, but you are responsible for your future, and you need to make the necessary changes to prevent the cycle." It's hard for some. No matter how much they hear this, they cannot get out of the rut. They need people to help them. They need scaffolding, and the scaffolding might be needed for a long time. How can I help provide that support?
4. Sometimes we feel like we are without money; we don't know how we are going to pay the bills, but we have no idea what it is like to live in poverty. I have never had to wonder where my next meal is going to come from. Even if I didn't have a penny to my name right now, my pantry is overfull. We complain all the time about there not being anything to eat in our house, but our refrigerator is overflowing with leftovers. I have been in homes where there is not enough food for the next meal, where the heat is not working and it is freezing outside, where the parents cannot afford diapers for their babies. Are they making unwise decisions with how to use their money? Sure they are. Haven't we all? It's just that our unwise decisions don't affect us quite to the same extent. When I was a new social worker, I used to get so angry about people who were on food stamps but had a nice big television and Dish TV (that was new and popular back then). It seemed like such a poor use of money . . . and it was. Then I had one of those "plank in the eye" moments and realized that I have my luxuries that I should probably forego, and I indulge when I shouldn't. (The main one for me happens to be eating out when we shouldn't). It's easy to judge, and I need to be careful about that. This has been a huge lesson for me.
5. Kids love their parents, and parents love their kids (with a few exceptions, I'm sure). And we need to support that in whatever appropriate way we can, even when we cannot understand it.
6. Without the hope of Jesus, I do not know how people heal from their pasts; however, salvation and placing your hope in Jesus does not immediately alleviate the pain and change the behaviors that exist as a result of the pain. It is a process. Working in the private faith-based sector, I see so many people who do not understand this. They say two things, "If I show the child love, he will appreciate it and change," and "If the children knows Jesus, he will not act like this." The first is just not true. My children do not always show appreciation for the love I show them; why should these children who have experienced so many let downs from those who should have loved them most? The second is a process. I stumble and fall all the time, letting down the God that I love and serve, but He loves me anyway and he helps me move forward from that point. He remains committed to caring for me. He also remains committed to caring for them (foster children). Foster parents are sometimes quick to let children go. I always think, and have said several times, "It's a good thing God doesn't give up on you like you are giving up on these children." Harsh? Yes. True? Yes. My coworker likes to say, "It is easy to love the lovely; it is with God's love that we love the unlovely." Such a true statement, which leads me to . . .
7. I need to work harder at loving the unlovely. It's not easy. I have worked with really difficult people, people who have been really hurtful to others (namely their children but also just others in general), people who have terrible habits and addictions, people who are just downright mean, people who are completely irresponsible or lazy and don't seem to have any motivation to do any better, people who are dirty and don't smell good, people who have threatened me or hit me, people who have damaged my property (I still have a big dent in my van from a client who denied it happened), and the list goes on and on. I'm not going to say I have loved all of them they way I should, but I have been given opportunities to practice loving them, and in some of those cases have grown to care very much for people who at first I thought I could not stand.
I'm sure there are many more lessons that I could list, but these are the ones that come to my mind now. I am who I am today partly because I have worked as a social worker with a population that many never have the opportunity to know. God has used this to change me, to make me more of a servant and to make me more aware of people's stories.
Through FB I am able to keep in touch with some of the people from my past. Last night I was given an opportunity to provide some scaffolding to a past client. This time I am being a person she can lean on just because I want to do it, not because I am getting paid. This is one of those people who from the moment I met her, I did not know how to love her. And because of her behavior, I had to be very firm with her, which made her mad. Yet today we have contact, and I was able to offer her some simple help, which will hopefully make a huge difference in her future. On top of that, I am one of the few people she knows who loves Jesus, and I have the opportunity to be a witness to her very hardened heart, which if softened would make an even bigger difference in her future. Over time God softened my heart toward her, and I have had many opportunities to show her His love as a result. I am just so thankful!
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